When your dream is just out of reach, is success still possible?
I was taught, at a very early age (before birth perhaps?) that if I wanted something, I’d have to work for it. Somehow, whether it’s intrinsic (I have a very heightened sense of competition and internal motivation) or whether it came from wanting to be someone who I wasn’t, I ended up having to work really, really hard for everything I wanted.
Whether it’s my 17 years of marriage at a very young age or getting my Master’s degree … at night … after work … over 3 years while playing wife and mother at the same time. Perhaps it’s the fact that when people say ‘high school was easy’ I cringe. Yes, I took AP classes and honors classes, but I had to work hard at them. Really hard. When my friends aced a test, they’d studied for an hour … I’d studied for 6 hours … to get the same grade (usually not a perfect score).
This hit me the most when I was in college. My husband and I took an Accounting class together the semester before we got married. I went to every class. He? Well … he’s not much into actual class. I did EVERY bit of my homework. I cried when I didn’t understand something. I sought help from the teacher. My hubby? Well … he’s not that much into homework, either. We are as much night and day as any two people when it comes to certain subjects.
It’s more than that though. He’s intrinsically smart. Put a book in his hand he can read it, learn it and do it.
I’m not.
I have to work really, really, really hard (have I already said that?) at everything I do. And I do it. Not because I want to show anybody up, but I’m motivated to always try to be better, to be ‘as good as’ whomever is better than me. Whether I achieve that or not, well, most often … I don’t.
No matter what, I’m Motivated (with the capital M) to try because as the old saying goes … if you never try … you never fail. That’s why I own my own business. That’s why I write novels in a marketplace that is saturated with wannabes (me one of them!). If I never tried … I’d never fail … but I’d also never had a chance to succeed.
So … a year ago, my son tried out for football. He sprained his ankle in week one and was cut from the team.
Fast forward to 4 weeks ago … my son signed right back up for this season. He broke his pinky (maybe one doc say yes, the other no) and kept on going. He wasn’t feeling well and missed one day to recoup, but went right back the next. He came home hurting from sore muscles and sweaty smelly every day of the week. He sold every bit of his allotted fundraiser cards AND SOME by going door to door and asking neighbors … something my son wouldn’t have been caught dead doing for any other reason than football.
And he was cut …
Again.
Now we’re not talking about some 5′ tall kid with no muscle. My son is 14, almost 6′ tall and built like a rock.
But something … some unknown force puts him in the 25% instead of the 75% zone. Like me.
As a Mom, though, I want to rant and scream and cry ‘foul!’ and … just cry for him. He tried SO SO hard. My son got a lot of ‘me’ in him. The consequence? Life is going to take a lot of work. Usually.
Luckily, he got another part of me, too. Just hours after the announcement of the 2011 team, he said:
“Hey, Mom … I’m going to work out with Coach in the spring.”
to which I said, “Why?”
and he said: “So I can try again.”
And therein lies my biggest, my greatest and my most significant … success: instilling ‘try until you fail and when you fail, try again’ into my son.
Oh, and that accounting class? Hubby got an A. I got a B. Yes, it still (amazingly) stings 17 years later. But that one? I’m not doing that one over. No way. No how. 🙂 In that, I have learned to embrace my ‘averageness’ there. 🙂
Tell me how you succeeded, at whatever your goal, in a way that could never be measured in sales figures or hours worked or anything beyond the subjective.
Share in the comments!
For Charley Randall … time is her greatest enemy. The love of Wyatt Moreland is her ultimate reward.
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I believe I’ve always had to work real hard, too. Like you, studying would take hours of dedication to only earn me a handful of ‘good-enough’ grades, whilst my sister rebelled, refused to study, didn’t bother to turn up for some of her exams, and yet still managed to do better than I did.
I guess that’s why I love writing. Because I’ve finally found something I a) am half-decent at, b) have the capacity/willingness/yearning to learn in, and c) love doing.
Good for your boy! You should be proud of him. 🙂
I’m very, very, very proud of him. 🙂
I’m so sorry he got cut but bless his heart for not giving up. Perseverance is an admirable quality I wish I could teach my own kids.
And on acctg? I’m really happy that most are fine remaining average or worse when it comes to that field. It keeps my market value high. LOL
It bites, big time. 🙂 Thank you Lila. 😉
And I’m happy to stay out of the accounting waters. HAPPY to. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY to. 😉
Wow. Your description of yourself could very easily be me. And your hubby could describe mine. He can do pretty much anything he tries the first time AND be good at it. Me, on the other hand, must learn and practice for months to be as proficient. Everything I’ve ever done, I’ve worked super hard for, be it grades, riding a bike, being good at cards, and yes, even writing. If you read my first works, you’d know what I mean.
I truly believe, though a little luck once in a while doesn’t hurt, that success is of our own making and begins with the attitude. If you want something badly enough, go after it with everything you’ve got and if you get knocked on your butt, dust it off and go again.
Great post.
Jocelyn : Opposites attract, huh? 🙂 At least we’ve figured it out and are willing to go for it, right? 🙂
Hi Aimee,
I absolutely love this post! To date, for all of my accomplishments-behind them lie hours and hours of hard work. However, when an individual takes a look at what I have accomplished that make statements about how I must be a natural BUT truly, I am just average with the same philosophy as you: work hard and when you fail, work harder.
Keep writing and instilling great work ethics in your son!
Thank you, Patricia. 🙂 I’m so glad I’m not alone. 🙂
Ah, Aimee, I have a similar experience to yours in a way. High school for me was easy. I took AP and honors classes. I was in National Honor Society, Who’s Who Among American High School Students, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Graduate in the top 2% of my class.
My first go around at college, however, sucked. I got mixed up with the ‘wrong’ sort and never finished. ended up getting married to hubby 1. had 2 gorgeous girls (best thing that came out of that marriage) and then divorced. Went on to hubby two, had son #1 (who, at 19 gives me grief) and then I went on to have son #2.
Son #2 was a challenge as I was given an opportunity by my work at the time to go back to school and get a degree. 75% paid for by my employer. I had to go. So, here I am, pregnant with son #2, working full-time, going to school full-time, and being mommy to a 3 year old, a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old. Did I mention being a wife, too? 🙂 I ended up passing my one and only accounting class with a B (don’t know how I did it) and graduating Summa Cum Laude. I could have never done it without the help of my hubby who made many a dinner, bathed many a child while I was studying or in night classes. Those few years were hell on me but It is still one of my most prized accomplishments. I went on to being promoted at work, got a great raise and I owe it all to a few people who believed in me when I didn’t think I could. I owe them all of gratitude.
As for your son, my oldest (6’3″, 185 lbs, solid muscle) tried out two years for HS football. Got injured in pre-season both times. It broke his heart and broke mine, too, when he hurt his back really bad and I told him no more. He understood but it was still heartbreaking he didn’t get to play. but he tried and that’s all that matters in the end. To try. If you don’t try, how do you know whether you will fail or succeed?
I still keep trying to this day to reinvent myself. We have to or we become stagnant. I don’t want to look back on my life and say “I wish I’d done that.” I want to be one that said “I did.”
Great post. Hug your son. You should be very proud.
Thanks, Jen! 🙂 I am very proud of him and very proud of his ‘acceptance’ of being cut this time around. And how he’s coming ‘back’ from it with even more vigor. 🙂